Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize