Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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