I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Randomize
