Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
