I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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