I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
