Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
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