somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
