Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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