$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
