Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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