if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
