I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
