I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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