my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
