That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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