He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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