By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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