Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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