i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
