we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
