go do what you do best...puke behind churches
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
