Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
