i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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