When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
