Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My life is pants optional.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
