I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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