So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
