What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
