How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
