I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I can't trust your balls anymore.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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