Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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