sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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