so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
