I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
