these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
