I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
