and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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