yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Ladies don't puke and tell
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
