This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Randomize
