Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
my shit smells like andre
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
