come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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