Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
