Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
