Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
you made out with another girl for some wings
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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