i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
