Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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