What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
