Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
