I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
