i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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