I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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