cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
