And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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