Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
The Olympian is in my bed
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize