one might say we're banned from that church
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
