I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
smell my finger.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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