I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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