people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
