just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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