I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
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