ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
