if i can run in heels then i can drive
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
