I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
