I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
