Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
