I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize