Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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