dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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