the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Let's get the cat blown out
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
