She is in my trunk
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
