while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
