If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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