lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
