I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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