I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
