Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
