Betty ford says i'm here all night
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
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