i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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