I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize