I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
