Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize