no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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