why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Randomize
