Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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