i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Are we in a gay sports bar?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
