I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
