i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
