what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
