hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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