remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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