discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
