I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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