I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
