So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
