I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
