Just fell off a train. Bad.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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