You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
